Quelling the Concerns of Loved Ones Back Home

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Staying up-to-date with all the news and rumors swirling around the Coronavirus has been something of a struggle, even at the best of times. When misinformation and sensationalized coverage breaks, it can be difficult to undo the damage caused by instantaneous traffic sweeping across traditional and social media outlets.

For those of us who have chosen to remain in Beijing, this means an onslaught of questions, comments, concerns, and calls to return home from loved ones abroad. Undoubtedly, these folks mean well, and only have our wellbeing in mind. Nevertheless, the narratives that dictate their worries aren’t always factual, and thus we have to do everything in our power to reassure them that all is well here on the ground.

For Robyne Tupou, a Māori Native New Zealander and teacher at Beijing International Bilingual Academy (BIBA), this means daily calls and texts from friends, family members, and even people they haven’t talked to in years.

We spoke with Tupou’s husband, Pikitika Pepe-John about how to temper the anxieties of your loved ones and ensure that they’re not being consumed by media hype or the rumor mill.

Please introduce yourself and let us know where you’re from?

Pikitika Pepe-John from South Auckland, New Zealand

How many in your family?

We are a family of three. My wife, our 15-year-old son, and myself.

What kinds of questions have you been getting from friends and family back home? Are they worried about your safety, and have they been pushing for you to fly back?

We have had heaps of crazy questions e.g. is the virus by you? Was it from eating bat? Why do they eat bats? Was it from eating dog? Is it because everything is exposed in the supermarket? Is it from eating weird things like bugs etc.? 

These are just a few. We have had people messaging us daily to tell us to return home even to the extent of people we haven’t spoken to in years; have reached out to check in with us. Our parents and grandparents have messaged or called us daily. It’s turning into a routine where they message or call and we reassure them and they call back the following day when they’ve seen or watched something about the virus. My wife’s 80-year-old nan has been messaging us to go home and asking if we are on the plane yet.

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When did they start voicing these concerns, and asking you to come back?

As soon as they heard about the virus and the lock down began in Wuhan our phones turned in to hotlines.

How have you responded to their questions, comments, concerns?

We like to think we are as informed as can be about the Coronavirus and we share the information we trust from reputable sources with our families. We also state facts for e.g. how big China is compared to New Zealand and how many people there are here to give them a rough understanding that not everyone is infected. We also ensure them that we are staying safe in the comfort of our apartment and only venturing out if we absolutely need to and taking all the safety measures as advised.

Do you believe their concerns are valid, or a product of too much over-hyped media coverage?

Parents are going to worry and we understand that being parents ourselves but the media has definitely played a vital role in over exhausting their stories. We’ve had family members tell us about what they’ve heard in the media that we know nothing about and we stay informed. This is a good example of sensationalism. We’ve also read a few articles from what I thought was a “respectable” company only to find they had shared unreliable information from an unreliable source that wasn’t even based in China. When I shared actual facts and statistics they were swift to remove it. 

Have your responses been sufficient to quell their anxiousness, or are they still asking you to come home?

Right now we feel like we are in a debate with the media. When a new article or information is released we get calls and messages that we then have to counteract with facts and reassurance that we are safe and exercising safety precautions.  My wife’s dad called us from work in a panic to ask if we are alright because he had just heard something on the news and we continue to receive messages like this daily. I don’t think they’ll stop until the statistics start changing or there is an actual cure and of course when the media stops hounding. 

More specifically, are grandma and grandpa worried about their grandkids?

They are in a panic and we are constantly reassuring them that we are safe and in good health. We even shared a video of us being out shopping so they could see that the media has portrayed a different version of what is actually happening here.

Do you have any sort of routine in place such as daily check-ins with the family? FaceTime? Phone calls? A quick text?

We have been in calls or contact daily with family in New Zealand and Australia. If we don’t make contact then someone is calling us. We are also sharing videos so our families can visually see we are well and healthy.

Anything else you’d like to share?

This has definitely been an eye-opener for us in terms of media hype and sensationalism, especially from leading companies in our own countries which is very disappointing. We will be thinking twice when watching the news from now on.

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Photos: courtesy of Robyne Tupou, South China Morning Post

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